


We'll meet again in death

by PeachesMcBabyowo



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27026551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachesMcBabyowo/pseuds/PeachesMcBabyowo
Summary: When Flake wakes up he doesn't feel the quite same and his heart feels strangely light. Till is also acting strange, what is going on?
Relationships: Till Lindemann/Christian Lorenz | Flake
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Death is an escape

**Author's Note:**

> {For anyone considering suicide and reading this fic...please don't. This fic. is not meant to glorify or romanticize suicide. If you're struggling please contact someone. Your decisions make a difference even if it's just something simple like smiling at a stranger. You matter and that's a fact♥️I have an Instagram if you want to talk. PMA}
> 
> I was listening to my depression playlist and "Mr.Loverman" came on so I was just laying there sobbing in my bed when I thought "ey why not". So have this fic. I wrote at 3am because yes? I've never written a fanfiction before in my life so I hope this isn't all too bad. But I really wanted to write a fic. for these two because I just absolutely adore the ship and most of the fics. don't get updated😔🤙and if you want something done you gotta do it yourself. I originally wanted to make it cute so that they'd still date and be ghost boyfriends buttttttt the inner dramatic gay in me said "No sis" so yes they are unhappy and I am too. I'm a lot better at writing dialogue than I am at describing scenery or people, so this whole writing fanfiction thing is going to be an interesting ride. I have two other stories that I'm working on rn and trust me both are very fluffy and not as depressing as this one. I kinda wanna add a smut scene in one of them buttt I can't write for shit so help 😅. I'm still getting used to AO3's layout and the whole tagging thing I hope this wasn't too confusing 
> 
> If this fic. made you cry, I'm sorry? If it didn't, good?
> 
> Thank you for reading <3  
> Grüße aus Deutschland

Flake awoke with a stifled scream. Another nightmare. Fantastic. He took a couple of shaky breaths and swallowed hard, he hadn't had a nightmare this bad in a long time. His head was spinning and it felt like he could puke at any second. Why did he ever agree to tour in America?? Americans were so damn stubborn and rude. Flake couldn't stand them. He had warned Till time and time again that touring there wasn't a good idea and that going through with the live show that they planned for their song "Bück Dich" was an even stupider idea. But Flake just couldn't say no to Till. Because for once he'd be heard, everyone in the music business knows that once you've made the big leagues in America, that you're unstoppable. Till looked like a child on Christmas day when he told Flake about how they'd be worldstars, forever engraved in rock history and the cheerful twinkle in his eyes made Flakes heart swell. He could never say no to him he couldn't on that day and he probably never will, even if it meant that he'd have to go to prison because of some fake sodomaso stage show. To be honest, Flake was surprised that they just got a couple of hours in prison and weren't shot on the spot. Speaking of getting shot. His heart hammered against his chest as he thought back at the nightmare. He was in his and Tills shared dressing room. Changing probably, when he heard a loud knock on the door. He wanted to open it but before he could, someone kicked it open. Words of enraged English were thrown at his head and Flake was froze in place. He couldn't understand a single word that the man said, but he tried his best to communicate with him, through awkward hand movements and the few English words he did know. Maybe the man was just a very eccentric fan? But his miserable attempt at communication only seemed to make the man angrier. Then it all happened so fast. He pulled out a gun, clicked of the saftey and everything went dark. The shot still rang in Flakes ears and he shuddered. Till was lucky that Flake loved him unconditionally and only stayed in the band to make him happy. Aaand to piss of the Americans by wearing the world's most obnoxious costumes. God was he glad that the America tour was over. Never again. The coffee there was fantastic but the people, no thank you. Usually Till would be all over him now asking if he was ok, and hug him until all the air left his body. Speaking of Till where was he? Flake turned to look next to himself, where Till would usually sleep. But he wasn't there. He probably couldn't sleep or overworked himself again. He liked to do that a lot. He would write and write until he'd fall asleep or become so frustrated that he couldn't write anymore. Flake dangled his legs over the edge of the bed, he felt strangely light today. Like he weighed nothing. He felt like that whenever Till held or kissed him, ah right Till. He got up from their bed and walked out the door. His steps didn't make a sound on their old hardwood floor. But Flake was a lightweight anyway so that was nothing new. As he rounded the corner to their living room the strong smell of alcohol and sweat hit his nose. God it smelled awful. Did Till black out again. Him and his drinking habits. Flake poked his head around the corner and saw that the lights in the living room were all turned off, save for the light coming from the TV and the small lamp next to their couch. The sound of static filled the room and was that crying? Flake listened again and then he heard it. The quiet sniffing came from the couch and as Flake craned his head to the side he saw him. Till sat in front of the small coffee table, it was filled with empty beer bottles and what looked like some left over cocaine. "Jesus christ Till are you trying to poison yourself!?" Flake yelled. Sure the last couple of months had been rough but that didn't mean he could just take god knows what and be fine. But Till didn't answer, he just kept staring at his hands. His crouched figure shivered a couple of times and a couple of tears dripped down his cheeks and onto his thighs. "Hey Till. Come on liebling look at me. I know the band is going through some tough times right now but you have to keep going" Till didn't move nor did he speak. Oh that was just so typical for him. Because whenever HE was angry he wouldn't speak to Flake. But he wouldn't accept the silent treatment tonight. This needed to stop. Tills drug use was getting out of hand. "Hey come on, stop being a mope and look at me!" Again no answer. Instead Till sniffled, he ran a hand over his face and wiped away the tears that continued to run down his cheeks and drip off his chin. A small hiccup escaped his throat, followed by a full on sob. Then with a shaky exhale he started crying again. Tears poured from his eyes and his lips began to tremble. He looked up at the ceiling and oh god he looked rough. Scratch that he looked terrible. His eyes were red and puffy and it looked like he hadn't saved in a long time. His chin and cheeks and even the space above his upper lip was covered in stubbles. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like shit in general. What the hell was wrong with him and more importantly how had Flake not done anything about it yet. Did they have a fight or what was going on? "Hey liebling come on look at me, you look terrible let's shave this thing off okay~" Flake cooed. He sat down next to Till who still wasn't looking at him or talking to him. "Hey liebling I'm sorry if I said something. Just talk to me. I'm sure we can fix whatevers going on right now" Instead of answering, another loud sob slipped out of Tills mouth. His whole body started to shake and he kept on sobbing. Flake hated that sound. He reached out to comfort Till, but before he could touch him and reassure him that they'd work this out together, Till slammed his fist down on the coffee table, making Flake jump. "SCHEIßE WIESO" He roared and more tears streamed down his face. He lifted his shaking hand and stared at the small crack in the table. "Fuck FUCK" His voice was raw and it sounded so pained and sad. Till clenched his jaw shut and fell backwards onto the couch. His head dangled over the edge and his tears rolled down his cheeks and fell on the floor. "Till talk to me please you're definitely not alright...please just say something I'm here to help you" Again no answer. Till covered his eyes with his palms and dug his nails into his forhead, shaking his head. "God I'm so fucking stupid" He sighed and slowly let his hands slide down his face, smearing his tears everywhere. What the fuck was wrong with him? why wasn't he talking to Flake???? "Till seriously you're scaring me please say something" Flake reached out again, he wanted to put his hand on Tills chest, just to remind him that he was there, but his hand didn't touch skin, it faded right through Till. Flake quickly pulled his hand back as if he'd been burned. "H-how Till what's going on" Tills crying stopped and with a shaking hand, he touched the spot where Flake had his hand a few seconds ago. He clutched onto his shirt and the tears started to flow again. Flake shook his has in disbelief and reached out again this couldn't be happening what was going on??? But his hand didn't connect with anything instead it fazed right through Tills body. Flake tried again and again, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't touch him. "TILL WHAT'S GOING ON TALK TO ME I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE" But no answer came. "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO MY WHY CAN'T I TOUCH YOU I-" Before he could finishing his sentence, a book from the nearby bookshelve fell out and with full speed flung itself at Tills head. Till yelled and sat upright, he rubbed the spot where the book hit. "What the fuck?" he groaned and rested his head in his palm. "I don't need this...not tonight". Flake stared down at his hand in pure disbelief. How. What??? What the fuck was going on. "Till I'm scared please JUST TALK TO ME!!" And another book flew out of the shelf. It missed Till by a few centimeters and landed on the pillow next to him. "What the fuck is going on night. Why am I getting haunted now...fucking unbelievable" Till mumbled and stood up from the couch. He wiped over his eyes with his arm and scoffed. "This is what I deserve I guess". Flake was at a loss for words. This is what he deserved? For what? Why? He jumped up as well and stormed after Till. He tried to grab onto him, shake him a little and demand an explanation but again he fazed right through Till and almost ran right into the nearest wall. Till shivered and wrapped his arms around his chest. "Why tonight...just when I thought I'd get over him" he whispered followed by a shaky sigh. Flake spun around and stared bug eyed at Till, his hands frantically grasping at his own hair. "TILL WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?? I-I cant touch you is- is this some stupid fucking prank!? If it is IT'S NOT FUNNY" As Flake yelled at Till, the window of their living room flew open and hit the wall with a loud 'thunk'. The cold winter air flooded the room and Till rushed to the window to close it. "What the fuck is going on tonight" he said again, shaking his head in disbelief. Flake nodded eagerly. "That's exactly what I want to know! Now stop ignoring me and just-" He was about to push his hands against Tills back, to kind of shove him a little, but instead he fazed right through him and the window he was standing in front of. Flake fell forward and through the wall of their apartment. He covered his face with his arms and braced himself for impact. But instead of falling to the ground and breaking every bone in his body, he floated in the air. Flake froze and didn't move for a few seconds. W h a t the fuck? He looked down at his feet and low and behold he was floating. Underneath him were the busy streets he had come accustomed to in the last couple of months that he'd been living with Till. Cars sped over the street and couples calmy chatted on the sidewalk. None of them noticed him. How was he doing this? Was this a dream. No it felt too real. He anxiously patted his stomach and chest with his hands. He could touch himself, his hand didn't faze through his skin. But the snowflakes that fell from the sky did. Then the realization hit Flake. He was dead. He was fucking dead. He swirled around and stared at the window. He saw Till and he was crying. And all of a sudden his words made sense. Till was on his phone, talking to someone. Well more yelling. Flake couldn't make out any specific words but he looked angry. Flake carefully floated forward, until he was right in front of the window. He extended his arm and it went right through the wall. Flake took a deep breath, closed his eyes and moved forward. When he opened them again he was back in his and Tills apartment. Now he could actually hear what Till was yelling and it broke his heart. "NO [...] OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! HE'S FUCKING DEAD RICHARD[...] OH NO FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!! HE DIED BECAUSE OF ME, BECAUSE OF MY STUPID FUCKING IDEA[...] I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT THAT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA[...] I-I didn't mean to he- they shot him and I wasn't there[...] Those stupid fucking Americans" he growled and clenched his hand into a fist. His knuckles turned white and angry tears trailed down Tills cheeks and throat. "No Richard please[...] I- not tonight I know I promised that we'd practice tonight but I just can't[...] Ok [...] Ok thank you [...] I- I'm so sorry I shouldn't have yelled at you, none of this was your fault, it's just...I feel so guilty I should've...I should've" He couldn't speak through all the tears and god he looked so broken right now. "Thank you Richard[...] I know I know, how are the others[...] oh none of you finished your parts yet?[...] I'm sure that's our management's last problem, they already have their hands full with...other stuff[...] but the others...how are they handling the situation?[...] wha- shit is Paul alright[...] Yeah I'm sure he misses Flake too[...] I know but it's just not fucking fair Richard[...] yeah I get it he would've wanted me to move on and be happy I know but can't I grieve??[...] His funeral was two fucking weeks ago Richard[...] OH oooooh I'm soOoO sorry if I'm not getting over the death of my god damn boyfriend fast enough for-! Oh fuck[...] no Richard you misunderstood I-I meant friend[...] Richard listen please OH FUCK!" He yelled and slammed his phone on the ground. It landed on the floor with a loud crack and broke in half. Till stared at the broken phone for some time, motionless like statue, then he fell too. His knees hit the floor with a dull thud and he winced. "I can't do this anymore. Oh god I'm so sorry" he clawed at the floor before he angrily slammed his fist on it over and over again. "Scheiße scheiße SCHEIßE" He yelled and lifted his now bloody fists. "God I'm so sorry Flake I fucked up. I fucked everything up you warned me and I didn't listen, I'm so sorry" he whispered and looked up at the ceiling. "Hey Till I'm right here hey heyyy!!" But of course Till couldn't hear him. He staggered towards the coffee table and plopped down on the couch. With a defeated smile he pulled out a small rusty key from his pocket and unlocked the drawer on the underside of the table. Flake tilted his head to the side to get a better look, he always wondered what Till hid inside that drawer, well now was the time to find out. He walked towards the couch and his eyes widened in shook. He clasped his hands over his mouth and took a step back. Inside the drawer was an envelope and a gun. No no no this couldn't be happening. Flake screamed at Till he tried everything he yelled and begged, but Till couldn't and wouldn't hear him. The TV turned on and off and all of the books flew out of the shelf. Till didn't care anymore. He didn't even flinch. He reached for the gun with a shaking hand and placed it on his lap. Then he grabbed the envelope and stared at it. He opened it and pulled a neatly folded paper out. His lips trembled as he read the message he wrote. He exhaled and inhaled shakily, and set the paper down next to himself. Then he took the gun and slowly lifted it. He pressed the muzzle under his chin and swallowed hard. His finger hovered over the trigger and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Please don't do it Till I'm begging you please" Flake fell to his knees. There was nothing he could do. He had to watch him die. This wasn't fair. Till didn't deserve this, HE didn't deserve this. Tills body tensed up and his thumb hovered over the trigger. He couldn't do it. And oh god Flake hoped he would never be able to. For once he prayed that Till wouldn't be strong enough, that he'd give up for once. He crawled towards Till on his hands and knees. What kind of cruel God was doing this to them. Why them. They didn't deserve this. "I didn't even get the chance to marry you. Oh god please don't do it" Flake sobbed, he grabbed at Tills leg and as expected fazed right through it. Another sob slipped out. "God this isn't fair...thisisn'tfairthisisn'tfair" Flake stood up and stared at Till. He couldn't save him. Why did people have to be so cruel. It was just a damn stage show. Anger and frustration, that's what Flake felt right now. He couldn't do anything and now he would have to watch Till die. And the news would be all over it. He could already picture the stupid overly dramatic headlines. Those heartless bastards would probably mock the situation. "Rammstein has finally gone too far" "The end of the German worldstars" "Bye bye Lindemann" or "A secret deadly affair". He recoiled in disgust. All of this was his fault, he should have never kissed Till. He shouldn't have loved him. Now he was dead and in a few seconds Till would join him in the afterlife. If that even existed, Flake could only hope. Flake heard Till laugh it was one of the most pathetic and most disgusting laughs he had ever heard, Till was long gone. "I'm so sorry Flake" he whispered. And god it broke Flakes heart. "I should've been there for you. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. But I-I'm going to make up for it. I love you...god I love you so much" he sighed and a single tear rolled down his cheek. "I love you too" Flake sighed and leaned forward to plant a small kiss on Tills forhead, he wouldn't feel it but Flake needed this. One last kiss and we'll meet again in death, he thought. Mein Engel einmal und für immer. As he exhaled a cold breeze swept through the room and Flake could hear his words echo in the wind. Tills head perked up and he looked around the room, as he sat up, his head went right through Flakes and Till shivered. "Is- are you here. God I'm so glad you're here. I'm going to be with you soon hold on just-" he didn't finish his sentence. He closed his eyes and smiled. It was the most painfully blissful smile Flake had ever seen from Till. He sat back down and reached his hand out, he groped around in the air, like he was searching for Flake. With a sad smile Flake intertwined his fingers with Tills and for once he could actually feel the warmth radiating from Tills palm. "Ich bin gleich bei dir Liebling". Till reassuringly squeezed Flakes hand and closed his eyes. Before Flake could scream his name, Till pulled the trigger. And with a loud bang everything went black.


	2. Peace in its purest form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many people depict death as something scary and terrifying but Flake never believed that. But now that him and Till are gone will the way he sees death be what it actually is like?

We need to know that after sadness,death and tragedy comes peace,light and hope. Most people are scared of death, of what comes after everything cuts to black, they don't fear death, the end of it all, they fear what comes after even though there is nothing to fear. Death is peaceful, through death we can find true beauty, we might never know what happens after we die, but what's for sure is that it isn't scary. For some the afterlife is heaven and for others its reincarnation or just silence. But no matter what each person thinks of life after death, it's never scary or cruel, as death is fair and kind. In death you can be with loved ones and your other half, the light behind your eyes, that went too soon or that you never met. In death you're released of all your pain and your fears and the shackles of expectations and judgment are taken off. In death you're safe. Your soul is free of all torment and anger. Your actions and decisions will not be justified but you will find peace regardless if they were bad or good. 

No one knows what death looks like but I always imagined it to be white and barren, like peace and tranquility. Full of clouds and other peaceful things. As I glance down at mine and Tills intertwined hands I smile, because I know that we're safe now. And as I look around I see that death is exactly what I thought it to be. I see him smile as well and I turn to look him, I don't open my mouth, but he knows what I meant to say. "I love you" echos through my skull and he squeezes my hand, as if he understood. "I love you too, I'm sorry I couldn't be there" hearing his voice, not filled with tears and sadness is a relief, but yet even in death he blames himself. "Its not your fault, it never was" I answer, again he smiles and I see a tear roll down his cheek.

It drips off of his jawline and lands on the floor. The floor under us begins to vibrate and small waves form where the tear fell. Slowly the waves stop and fog creeps up from underneath our feet. It rises up in the air and grows bigger and bigger the higher it rises. I feel tears of my own trail down my cheeks. Confused I turn to look at Till for answers as I've always done, but stop in my tracks as I see his face. He looks peaceful, like he finally understands what I just can't seem to wrap my head around. I touch my cheek and wipe away the tears, that continuously pour from my eye's. As I lift my hand to look at my fingers, the tears on my fingertips turn to fog. Slowly they float upward and the tears that still run down my cheeks follow them. Above mine and Tills head forms a cloud, that our tears gravitate towards.

Again I turn to him "What's happening?" I ask and the words echo in my skull once more. Till smiles again and slowly lifts his hand to point at the cloud above his head. "We're free of blame of all those negative thoughts...what we've done is forgiven. We can move on from whatever tormented us and whatever we blamed ourselves for. Can't you see we're finally at peace" 

Andd as I hear his words I understand. The clouds above us begin to glow and suddenly they break. Water pours out and without any words being said Till pulls me close. With each drop hitting skin I remember the things I did. Bad and good ones and memories wash over me. I feel Till sigh and I realize he's just as relieved as me. I close my eyes and smile, yes death is peaceful and only in death can we find true peace. We may have never been truly happy when we were alive but right now the only thing I feel is joy and love. Being hugged by him is how I want to spend eternity. Forevermore with the one I love. Kind of poetic if you think about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably not the fanfic you hoped/excepted to get updated but here we are. Depression hit me hard today and since writing is pretty much the only way for me to vent (even if I'm not good at it) I decided that I needed to write something. I still have three other unfinished fanfics (one of them I haven't actually started to write), but for some reason I chose this one. Probably because it's the only one with elements/themes of death out of the three. I know theres plenty of great fanfics on this site that you're waiting on being updated but writing good fics. takes time, until then I hope this rather depressing story can suffice. This fic isn't perfect it's far from that but I still really wanted to get all of my negative thoughts out and on paper, well in this case on screen. I still haven't read any of the comments on this and my other fic. (if there even are any) and I probably won't for some time because anxiety 😔🤙 but I'd still appreciate some constructive criticism or just things you liked about the fic and things I could change in future fics. Maybe I'll read them one day who knows. If you're still reading this thank you and if you feel just like me here's a couple of words that I hope will cheer you up
> 
> Our time on earth is short, so try to make as many positive memories as you can, so you'll have something nice to look back on once you're in the afterlife (if you choose to belive in it). Your decisions are never pointless they will always impact someone else's life in some shape or form, even if it's just something small like a compliment or a simple "good morning". Every breath you take counts and every word you say matters. Live life to it's fullest, because you'll never know when your time is up.


End file.
